The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey review

Another Peter Jackson epic!! Based on The Hobbit, and set before the events of The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Tis be the perfect way to celebrate Christmas, with 13 dwarves, a hobbit, Gandalf, and a lot of fights.

I just missed the mailman.

I haven’t read The Hobbit, so I can’t make any comments to compare the book and the movie version, nor comment on how well it made the transition to the silverscreen.

Still, I found the movie very enjoyable.

Just like The Fellowship of the Ring, the movie starts off a bit slow, setting the whole scene: we are introduced to a young Bilbo Baggins (excellently portrayed by Martin Freeman) and the company of dwarves; the fall of the Dwarven kingdom, Erebor to Smaug, the mighty dragon (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch).

But, about one-third into the movie, the pace picks up and we are introduced to a whole lot of action.

TROLLS!!

GOBLINS!!

ORCS!!

GOLLUMGOLLUMGOLLUM!!!

And, er, even more ORCS!!!

AZOG SMASH!!

Inevitably, there will be comparisons made to LotR: same director, being a prequel and all that. Personally, I didn't bother with the comparisons and saw it as a different trilogy (yes, it’s another epic trilogy) that explains some things.

For example, there was always a bit of unfriendliness between Legolas and Gimli, due to the fact that the former is an elf and the latter a dwarf. I always thought it was due to cultural conflict and such. But in The Unexpected Journey, there was an explanation for the hostility, though I’m not sure if that is the exact reason for the conflict.

Some might find that the huge cast a bit hard to follow, I won’t blame them. I could barely keep up with the names of the 13 dwarves alone.

So, take a deep breath….

Good luck telling who is who.

Dwalin, Balin, Kili, Fili, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, and last but not least, Thorin II Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, King Under the Mountain.

Good lord, that was a mouthful.

Still, I particularly enjoyed Thorin as a character. He was my favourite character, after Bilbo.

Special mention goes towards the Great Goblin.

I got me eye on you.

Seriously, the guy looks like a gigantic piece of lard goblin, and I was half expecting him to talk like some rickety old coot, wheezing for breath, or the typical deep and “villainy” monster voice.

Imagine my surprise when he started talking in a smooth voice with a penchant for humor!! By far, the scenes with him were one of my favourite scenes of The Unexpected Journey. In an era where all villains speak with so much serious-ness and the deep booming voice of a blackhole, it is extremely refreshing to see a rather unique portrayal of a villain. Even if he is a minor one.

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Without a doubt, The Hobbit trilogy is set to be the new epic that will define the moments of cinematic history for the 2010s.

Go watch this movie. ‘Nuff said.

And then, I want a giant explosion with helicopters flying overhead.
Yea, I was on the phone with Michael Bay just now.
How did you know?

Movie review: Wreck-it Ralph

I was looking forward to this movie for quite some time: a tribute to old school gaming? With cameos by actual gaming icons?? Sonic, Zangief, M. Bison, Q-bert, Dr. Robotnik??

YES.

If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it again: 2012 is the year of the geeks, and the era of the geeks will most likely continue for some time. Hollywood just discovered a huge goldmine.

Wreck-it Ralph is simply great. There are plenty of shoutouts to video games and a lot of love has gone into it. This is by far, one of the best video game themed movies in a long, long time.

Resident Evil can suck it.

Especially her! If you know what I mean...

The marketing for the movie IS a bit misleading, the trailers and ads make it look like the various licensed video game characters get a lot of screen time, but they don’t. Most of them are merely cameos, appearing for a few seconds, or a few minutes at most.

But, even if you are not a gamer, fret not, beneath its video game tribute shell lays a story that has a big heart.

The story is about Ralph, who is a Bad Guy in an old-school arcade game, called Fix-it Felix Jr.

After doing his job for 30 years, he feels unappreciated by the denizens of the game, the Nicelanders. Despite the fact that, without him, the game would not function at all. At least Felix still treats him nice.

Hell, on the 30^th anniversary of the game, the Nicelanders didn’t even bother to invite him. Seriously, they’re fucking dicks.

Those 8-bit assholes.

I mean, come on, Ralph is a fucking saint. As Zangief puts it, “You are a Bad Guy, but you are not a bad guy.”

Ok, that may be a bit confusing, but if you watch the movie, you will get the meaning of the message.

So, after the Nicelanders, especially the biggest fucking dick of all, Gene, refuse to accept him, Ralph decides to go prove his worth, which sets the whole story in motion.

The top asshole.

Along his journey, Ralph visits Hero’s Duty, which is kinda like a sci-fi-ish Call of Duty/Medal ofHonour/Battlefield as an on-rails light gun arcade game and Sugar Rush, a Japanese Daytonna USA/Super Mario Kart game, where he meets the like of Sergeant Tamora Jean Calhoun and Vanellope von Schweetz.

The storyline is simple enough, detailing Ralph’s journey to become a hero, despite his label as the Bad Guy. The Aesop of the story is pretty much: Be Yourself, though I felt that it was done as well as it should.

However, what Wreck-it Ralph does well is presenting the characters, especially the brother-sister relationship that Ralph eventually develops with Vanellope, which is honestly freaking adorable. She was annoying at first though, but watching their relationship develop was one of the many great joys of the movie.

Aww....

And I love John C. Reilly’s voice acting and the characterization for Ralph, it’s just so easy to feel for the big guy, who gets outcasted in his own game for doing his damn job, and is still a gentle and nice guy despite all of the shit he is given for over THIRTY years.

Look at that!!! I just wanna give him a big hug.

Seriously, Nicelanders…everyone hates you. Please go die.

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Though I was really looking forward to this movie, I was afraid that this movie would not live up to my expectations.

But, as it turns out, it was a lot better than I thought. Sure, it was a bit slow at first, but it picked up the pace in the 2^nd act, and it was a helluva ride.

And just in time for Christmas too, almost. Definitely a must watch.

Film review: Rise of the Guardians

Sorry for the lack of updates lately, been busy with work, and I was out on holiday for a while.

Wow, my last update was almost a month ago.

Anyways, I managed to watch this last night, and I have to say…

Not bad at all.

AVENGE...I mean...GUARDIANS!! ASSEMBLE!!

Rise of the Guardians sees Santa Claus, the Sandman, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny coming together again as the titular Guardians when their old foe, Pitch Black aka the Boogeyman, comes back to threaten the children of the world.

Nighty night....

But this time, the Man on the Moon seems to think that they need help, and appoints a new member: Jack Frost.

It’s like the Avengers but with popular folk mascots.

The cast and characters is quite the ensemble too.

Look at that face...
Just a matter of time before all the fangirls start creating yaoi doujin of him with the other characters.

The main character, Jack Frost is voiced by Chris Pine, and he’s sort of like the surrogate character for the audience, where everything is explained to him. His character has potential, but not fully realised here. Jack Frost wishes to know the purpose of his existence, but has yet to find it after 300 years. 

Hell, he wasn’t too keen on being appointed a Guardian at first, but he soon comes around to it.

Look at those awesome tattoos.

Nicholas St. North aka Santa Claus (Alec Baldwin) is played up to be a tattooed Russian giant with an army of Yetis and silly elves and a sweet sleigh ride.

And it is glorious.

You can practically feel Alec Baldwin having the time of his life voice acting the character.

FAIRY POWAHHHHH

Toothiana aka The Tooth Fairy (Isla Fischer) is a weird half-human, half-hummingbird hybrid who collects teeth from children and leaves behind a quarter. She also commands an army of smaller fairies.

Seriously though, she and her army are just adorable. And will punch out your tooth if you threaten the children of the world.

I was half expecting him to go "Bub" or just "Snikt!"

E. Aster Bunnymund (Hugh Jackman) is a badass Australian bunny. He kicks ass with boomerangs and martial arts while painting eggs. And, somehow, he’s still on the receiving end of many jokes. Don't call him cute.

Whiplash would be proud.

Last, but not least, the Sandman, who does not speak. Rather, he portrays his thoughts with sand sculptures above his head.

Got to give this guy credit, the Sandman kicks ass with his dual sand whips.

One thing that definitely caught my eye about this movie, is how breathtakingly beautiful the graphics are. Especially with Jack Frost’s ice and frost animations, it’s simply beautiful. Even the model has a certain appeal to it, despite the simplicity of it.

If anything, I kinda regret not watching this in 3D.

Hell, I would watch it again just for the Christmas elves.

Now, truth be told, the story…isn’t much. It’s a rather generic story that plays out just a little over one and a half hour: the good guys find a new powerful threat, recruit a new player into their team, find themselves losing, the new guy discovers a new power within himself, the good guys unite and fight back and win the day.

The Yetis are pretty awesome as well.

And yet…

Everyone loves this movie, including me of course. Though the critics obviously are not as impressed.

Why is that?

Maybe it’s just the marketing and good timing, a feel good movie coming out near the X-mas period? Yea, no one has done that before.

But, I think it may be something more.

Let’s face it, we are living through trying times, it’s hard to be hopeful and be optimistic at times like this.

And then, you watch this movie, and it sends out a message of hope, dreams, wonder, fun and memories. 

Perhaps, that is why it struck a deep chord with a lot of people.

Just like children, or perhaps even more so than children, adults, weary of life and its many complications, can feel that there is always hope, for a better tomorrow.

Congratulations, Dreamworks Animations, if people were not convinced that you guys could make great movies after Kung Fu Panda 2 and How to Train a Dragon, perhaps this would.

Watch out, Pixar.

Taken 2 review

Liam Neeson returns as Bryan Mills in Taken 2, this time set in Istanbul. Is it worth a watch? Well…

Man...even the tagline sounds cheesy.

I suppose if you liked the first movie, Taken, then you would probably like this as well. Can’t say I was much of a fan of Taken, but it was quite exciting watch Liam Neeson taking on the role of a retired badass CIA field operative and kicking glorious amounts of ass all around Paris.

What do you mean we have no bacon...?
It can't be true...

This time, the story is set in Istanbul, where the father of Marko, one of the men Bryan Mills killed in Taken, and vows revenge on him. Of course, the stakes are now higher, as this time Bryan’s ex-wife, Lenore is there as well.

As you can see, the story is not going to win any awards, it’s simple enough to follow, and frankly, most people are not going to be watching it for the story anyways.

Some parts of the story are a bit…weird though.

Why would the Albanian mafia speak English with each other? Especially in the opening, where the main baddie Murad speaks to the entire village in Tropojë, Albania IN ENGLISH. That seemed a bit…jarring. Why couldn’t they have spoken in Albanian with subtitles?

There’s also the fact that Bryan actually instructed his daughter, Kim, to start tossing grenades around Istanbul so that he can figure out where his location is in relation to hers. That seems a bit extreme.

And irresponsible.

Then, there’s also Murad’s sense of so-called Justice. I totally understand if he just wanted revenge on Bryan for his son’s death, but he kept saying something about justice and some bullshit like that.

My epic beard hides my epic sorrow

Erm…yea. Your son was part of a fucking human trafficking ring. That really does not fit in at all. Of course, it’s very likely he’s just saying it to justify the actions he is about to put Bryan and his family through. Or he is plain crazy.

I think it’s the latter though.

I mean, you have got to be a bit cuckoo, to try to take revenge on a guy that took out an entire crime cartel, almost singlehandedly. This time, he fares no better, and loses his ENTIRE gang to Bryan.

Man, you suck.

Then again, he is also Qui-Gon Jinn, Zeus, Ras al Ghul, Jesus Christ,
Aslan, John Hannibal Smith and Admiral Shane (Battleship).

One thing though, I like the family dynamics in the story. It’s rather heartwarming and interesting to watch the three of them interact as a family. That sidestory is mostly concentrated during the first act of the movie, where Bryan brings Kim out for driving lessons, talks about her boyfriend, comforts his ex-wife about the state of her marriage, his barbeque outing with his buddies etc.

Actually, they could have turned it into a romantic comedy action flick. Which would turn out well.

Hmm…

As for the acting, to put it simply: Liam Neeson is pretty ass-kicking awesome; Maggie Grace (plays his daughter, Kim) is pretty hot while she runs around in a bikini; Famke Janssen (plays his wife, Lenore) is pretty damn hot too; Rade Serbedzija (the baddie) is erm…underwhelming.

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Still, it’s not to say a bad movie, but it’s not a great one either. If you’re a fan of Liam Neeson, like I am, then watch it for the sake of seeing Liam Neeson kicking ass.

Hmm…retired former CIA field operative kicking ass?? Why isn’t he in RED 2???

Yes, they're making a sequel. You may now cry tears of joy.

Dredd review

17 years after the dreddful Slyvester Stallone Judge Dredd movie, we finally see Judge Dredd return to the silverscreen in the much grittier and truer-to-its-comic Dredd.

And it is glorious.

I. AM. THE. LAW.

It’s a short movie, clocking in at 90 minutes, possibly due to its rather modest budget of 45 million USD. Still, this works to Dredd’s favour, in that the movie does not feel like one long dragged out action piece.

What Judge Dredd got wrong, Dredd gets it right: Mega-City One feels alive for one thing, in contrast to the very obviously set piece in the 1995 movie; Stallone’s Judge Dredd was far too heroic, and broke the one sacrilegious rule of removing his fucking helmet, way to go you fucking moron.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE RULE TO JUDGE DREDD'S HELMET!!
AND YOU BROKE IT @*&!^$@!*@$*$

Karl Urban sets the stage as the titular Judge Dredd, and goddamit, he is fucking awesome. Heck, his chin has more acting credibility than all the Twilight characters combined.

Look at that chin of justice!
LOOK AT IT!!!!

Some people made fun of the fact that the judge’s helmets are ridiculously huge, they may have a point, but that point disappeared pretty quickly when Karl Urban started kicking variable amounts of ass. Hey, at least his helmet looks realistically worn and has seen plenty of combat, unlike Stallone’s shiny, why-so-clean one.

Anyways…

The story is set in Mega-City One on what is known as Cursed Earth, where most of the rest of the world is devastated by nuclear war. 800 million citizens stuck in a huge metropolis with 17,000 crime cases reported each day, and only 6% are attended to.

Harsh.

The Lawmaster: I want one.

Judge Dredd is tasked to evaluate rookie Judge Anderson, who happens to be a powerful psychic but can even barely pass the tests to become a Judge. Anderson chose to investigate a triple murder case at the ironically-cutely-named block Peach Trees.

And then shit hits the fan.

The action in this movie is fucking awesome. It’s very simple and brutal, with pretty violent scene littered liberally throughout the movie. But, its justified for once: the criminals are extremely brutal and violent, thus Judges (the equivalent of the police) have to be judge, jury and executioner.

The special effects of this movie is simply beautiful, especially the effects of Slo-mo, the new drug that hit the streets that let users experience time at 1% normal speed, though it’s never stated whether there are any side effects.

Of course, sugar and coffee are considered controlled substances…so yea, this would be considered narcotics I guess.

The slow-motion scenes are a sight to behold, as bullets slowly hit bodies and leaving gaping flesh wounds. It’s especially beautiful in 3D, so I would highly recommend watching this in 3D.

Ooooo...pretty colorssss....

However, I won’t say that Dredd offers anything new or creative in terms of action choreography, but it’s all very entertaining nonetheless.

As I said earlier, Karl Urban’s Judge Dredd is excellent, it’s as if he was tailor made to play him: That grizzled and gruff voice, the chiselled chin and scowl. His deadpan reactions (except once, when faced with a triple-minigun barrage…well won’t you panic??), and utter love of understatements makes him the great anti-hero that he is supposed to be.

HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT

Olivia Thirlby plays Judge Anderson, and well, wow, she is remarkably clean for the amount of fight and grit they went through. She starts off as unconfident and a little shaky at her first live/street run, but by the end of the movie, she has obviously matured and ready to take on the job.

Ooo Judge Anderson, I've been a bad boy Please judge me!!
Dibs.

It’s reflected best with Judge Dredd’s contrasting lines at the beginning and end of the movie: The first time they were going in for a drug bust, Dredd asks her “Are you ready? You don’t look ready”; towards the end, Dredd asks instead “Are you ready? You look ready.”

She even managed to impress Dredd with the one time she talked back and defend her decision in letting go the villain’s tech expert (the poor guy was tortured and scared into helping the villain, making him more of a victim than an accomplice).

Lena Headey plays Ma-ma (real name Madelaine Madrigal), the villain of this movie, a prostitute who killed her pimp and took over his crime businesses. 

Is it weird that I find her hot in a way? Just me??? Okay...
Dibs.

By the time the Judges reach her turf in Peach Trees, she was the feared kingpin and sole supplier of Slo-Mo. She is appropriately brutal enough, and does everything she can to stop Dredd’s party from bringing back one of her men, so that her operations won’t be revealed. That includes massacring hundreds, possibly thousands of civilians just for TWO Judges. Overkill much?

Let’s just say that her death was suitably karmic.

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Too bad Dredd was not in IMAX 3D, now THAT would’ve made it fucking awesome.

My one complaint is that the movie loses a bit of the dark British humor that was prevalent in the comic, but i doubt newcomers will miss it.

FIST OF DREDD MOTHAFUCKA.

2012 is truly the year of the comic book movies: The Avengers was fucking awesome; The Dark Knight Rises was a suitably epic conclusion; The Amazing Spider-man was a great character-driven movie, with unfortunately glaring plot holes and a rather weak plot; and now we have Dredd, another fantastic addition.

The less said about Ghost Rider, the better.

Here’s hoping that they make a sequel to Dredd.

Perhaps we'll even see Judge Death?? *crosses fingers*

The Expendables 2 review

Guns. Explosions. Action. Big names.

Yea, that's about it.

My PC almost exploded from sheer awesomeness.

Some of the greatest action stars ever, in one movie. And it's awesome!!!

Here's a tip: Don't go in expecting much of a storyline, just watch it as it is, a fanservice video for those who love the 80s and 90s action movies.

This is after all, a throwback to that era.

An all-star cast, too bad there just ain't enough time to concentrate on all of them. Most of the screentime is dedicated to Sylvester Stallone, well, it IS his screenplay afterall.

SLYVESTER STALLONE aka Barney Ross

Awesome use of a revolver, and sonofabitch, that guy is buff for his age. Has really good chemistry with Jason Statham.

JASON STATHAM aka Lee Christmas

This man is a KNIFE NUT. I mean, seriously. Most of his scenes involves him shoving or driving his knife into really, really nasty places. For some reason, he keeps threatening to kill Slyvester, and its usually played for laughs.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER aka Trench

The legend himself. He shares most of his scenes with Bruce Willis, and its a lot of fun. Especially when they start poking fun at each others signature lines.

BRUCE WILLIS aka Church

Still kicking ass. Has an active role this time around, shooting up bad guys alongside Arnold. AND ITS AWESOME.

DOLPH LUNDGREN aka Gunner Jensen

He was quite the baddie in the first movie if you remember, but seems to have mellowed down finally, and is surprisingly funny, in a bit of a gentle (relatively speaking) simple-minded giant sorta way. Turns out he has a degree in chemical engineering.

RANDY COUTURE aka Toll Road

The demolitions expert, the relatively sane man of the Expendables that keeps the team together.

JET LI aka Yin Yang

Has a really really small role in this movie, reportedly because he asked for it, which is kinda sad. His short fight scene was really excellent.

TERRY CREWS aka Hale Caesar

Still has his AA-12 shotgun, a really fucking loud shotgun.

YU NAN aka Maggie

Finally, a girl who can kick ass with the rest of the team. Is brutally efficient.

LIAM HEMSWORTH aka Billy the Kid

Not sure why everyone was against him being placed in the movie, he was pretty cool. A kick-ass former soldier who got sick of the military life. His sniper skills are GODLIKE, he uses an anti-material sniper rifle, and uses it to headshot people on fast moving boats. Wow.

CHUCK NORRIS aka Booker

His introduction scene is epic, and...did he just quote a Chuck Norris Fact??? HOLY SHIT.

JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME aka Jean Vilain

Jean Vilain. A villain. What a convenient name. His performance is surprisingly good, I thought he would go really overboard with his acting, but its actually quite memorable as a monstrous villain.

There isn't much of a storyline of course, but pretty much this movie took the action setpieces in the first movie, and DOUBLED it.

Just the opening scene alone is worth the admission price.

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I watched Total Recall and The Expendables 2 on the same day, but truthfully, I had much more fun watching this than the other.

This is a movie for the fans.

The movie knows that its awesome, and just goes with it. It is corny. It is self-parodying in many ways.

But the movie knows how to have fun, and that makes it a great entertaining watch.

It's not going to win any awards for sure, but hell, it sure is fun.

They love putting skulls on everything.

Total Recall review

Another remake, this time of the classic Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Total Recall.

Truth be told, they should've just stuck to making an original premise instead of remaking one.

Now the premise of the movie is loosely adapted from the 1990 Total Recall, which in turn was adapted loosely from a Phillip K. Dick novel titled We can Remember It For You Wholesale.

So, in essence, the movie has absolutely nothing to do with the book anymore.

You may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Well, truth be told, I did enjoy the movie at its core: a sci-fi action movie.

The problem is that the whole movie kinda takes itself so seriously, and the whole movie would have worked WITHOUT the whole secretly-a-double-agent-pretending-to-be-mindwiped-secret-agent angle.

It has a lot of interesting/awesome/cool ideas: The Fall, which connects The Colony (formerly Australia) to the United Federation of Britain (all of Europe apparently), which somehow goes through the Earth's core, I wonder how that works; the synthetic armed forces!!; handphones which are now taken quite literally.

I have a soft spot for mecha.

Colin Farrell is alright as Douglas Quaid, Kate Beckinsale is hot and deadly as Douglas' wife, Lori (DIBS), and Jessica Biel is a pretty face to look at as Melina, a member of the resistance and Douglas' love interest (DIBS AGAIN).

She will probably shoot you and break your limbs after a sexy session.
Totally worth it

Fuck you, Justin Timberlake, you lucky son of a bitch.

I also enjoyed Bryan Cranston (you might remember him as Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) as Chancellor Cohaagen, every scene he was in was a joy to watch.

Oh yea, Bill Nighy was in the movie as well. For like a total of 5 minutes, then he was killed off. What a waste.

While I did enjoy this movie, I felt like:

1. It's a completely unnecessary remake, it brought nothing new to the table. The premise may have changed, but the storyline sequence is EXACTLY the same, which actually made the movie boring for me.
2. It had a very interesting premise, with the two territories on Earth left habitable; The Fall being seen as an economic and sociological symbol of oppression etc etc. The problem was that none of it were really ever explained properly nor given time to shine.

In my opinion, the movie is rather disappointing, I was hoping for something new, some twist in the storyline or a new angle to look at the whole "it's all in his mind" debate, or lack thereof, since its played straight that it's NOT a fabricated memory at all.

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So, what can I say about the movie? Well, frankly, it's a disappointment, and a bit boring at times.

It has plenty of action scenes, some cool gadgets, and a potentially good premise, but ultimately its all wasted because they're trying to force in the storyline of Total Recall.

If this movie were given a different, more original storyline that makes better use of the premise, it probably would've turned out a lot better than this jumbled up mess that we currently have, running in the cinemas.

On the other hand, THREE BOOBIES!!!!