Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance review

Nicholas Cage is back again as Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider in the second outing of the flaming skull dude on a badass motorcycle.

Ghost Rider is an awesome character. This movie, on the other hand...not so much.

Hell hath no fury like a flaming skeleton on a motorcycle

Lets see...what went wrong with this movie.

I think its easier to point out what went right in this movie.

Which is to say: None.

Ok maybe not, that was harsh. One or two things went right.

Ok, this scene was damn mothereffing awesome.

A side story in the movie deals with the fact that the Ghost Rider persona being "hungry", after being suppressed so long by Johnny Blaze refusing to let it come out. And when it does finally come out, oh boy...the Rider goes nuts like a withdrawn drug addict in a pharmacy.

In those scenes, Nicolas Cage pretty much just has to be himself.

That was an interesting way of analysing Ghost Rider. Too bad it got approximately a whole dedicated 10 minutes to it.

Other than that, the graphics was the only other thing that went right.

That looks painful.

The transformation to Ghost Rider is smoother and looks more believable, even the way Ghost Rider moves is not as awkward as the first movie, and looks sharper.

And...that's the end of the good points of this movie.

Frankly, this movie sucks.

Let's begin with the story. The Devil/Satan/Mephistopheles/Roarke (seriously? Couldn't find a better name?), wants to manifest himself in our world, so he impregnates a woman in the mortal realm, so that he can take over the child's body.

*Yawn*

That's the best story you can think of? That story has been explored in god knows how many other movies. He's the goddam GHOST RIDER for fuck's sake.

Furthermore, he does not get any good fights at all, NO ONE poses a significant challenge to him.

Magikarp is more dangerous than these useless buggers.

Blackheart and those three elemental hippies from the first movie were frankly a bore.

In the second movie, Roarke/Satan/Whatever does not do anything at all, short of standing around looking smug and evil. There's this other antagonist, Ray Carrigan who looked like he could've been a pretty badass mofo.

I mean, he only had access to mundane guns and missiles, but you gotta give him credit for trying his best against Ghost Rider.

Then, Roarke/Red-eyed-Old-Man turns him into BLACKOUT!! (Not to be confused with the much more awesome Pave Low Decepticon)

L'oreal: Because you're worth it.

Roarke/Bad-Planning-Dude grants him the power of...DECAYING TOUCH!!!

Everything he touches ages and slowly turns to dust!! Everything except...Ghost Rider apparently.

Uh huh. Smart...

At one point in the movie, for some reason or another, he was affected by a few point blank grenade launchers, but later on he is completely unaffected by a FUCKING JAVELIN MISSILE.

*cough* Continuity fail *cough*

And what happened to his Penance Stare?

OH MY GOD, NICOLAS CAGE IS STILL GHOST RIDER!!!
THE LUNACY!!! PLEASE STOP!!!

Not once was it used in the whole damn movie. What? He forgot he had it? Ghost Rider re-rolled his character and forgot to pick it from his skill tree?

It also does not help that almost the entire cast looks like they were bored. Even the story is bloody uninterested in characterizing them properly, resulting in mostly one-dimensional people that serve as much use as...a Twinkie bar.

On a different note, she's got a REALLY nice
rack......of weapons behind her. Yes.

The only character that I had fun watching was Idri Elba's acting as Moreau, the delightfully alcohol-loving monk, who sort of serves as the comic relief in the movie.

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So, to summarize the movie:

• Awful story
• Bland characters
• Tries to do too many side stories at once, then leaves them all hanging
• Pretty cool graphics
• It stars Nicolas Cage as Ghost Rider (hint: it's a bad thing)

Frankly, it's a horrible movie. Nothing really goes right, it's especially more painful for me because I like a lot of Marvel Comics superheroes.

While Ghost Rider is not one of my favorite, it's still sad to see him get this sort of treatment.


Marvel. Do the right thing. Take back the IP AND MAKE YOUR OWN GHOST RIDER MOVIE.

I have no thorax, and I must scream.